Cheating Spouses: The Excuses They Make and Why They Don’t Hold Up

Infidelity is one of the most devastating breaches of trust in a marriage. While every relationship has its struggles, cheating crosses a line that undermines the very foundation of the marital commitment. Yet, those caught cheating often scramble to explain away their behavior. Understanding why people rationalize infidelity can help spouses in League City, Friendswood, Clear Lake, Galveston, and Harris County, Texas see the situation more clearly—and decide how to move forward.
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What Is Cognitive Dissonance?
At the heart of many excuses for cheating lies a psychological phenomenon known as cognitive dissonance. Coined by psychologist Leon Festinger in the 1950s, cognitive dissonance describes the mental discomfort people feel when they hold two conflicting beliefs or behaviors at the same time .
For example:

• Belief: “I’m a good, loyal spouse.”
• Behavior: “I cheated on my spouse.”

The tension between those two creates discomfort. To reduce that discomfort, the cheating spouse may invent justifications, excuses, or rationalizations so they can continue to see themselves as a “good person” despite their harmful actions.

Ten Common Excuses for Cheating
Here are ten of the most frequently heard rationalizations from unfaithful partners, along with a breakdown of why they fail:

1. “I wasn’t happy in my marriage.”
   Unhappiness doesn’t justify betrayal. Problems should be addressed through communication, counseling, or, if necessary, divorce—not infidelity.
2. “It just happened.”
   Affairs don’t just fall out of the sky. They involve choices, often repeated ones, to cross boundaries and deceive.
3. “My spouse stopped meeting my needs.”
   No spouse can meet every emotional or physical need all the time. Cheating is a decision to avoid honest discussion or counseling.
4. “I needed an escape from stress.”
   Stress is part of adult life. Turning to infidelity as a coping mechanism only creates greater long-term damage.
5. “It was only physical—it didn’t mean anything.”
   Whether physical or emotional, cheating is still a betrayal. The intent to deceive undermines the bond of trust.
6. “I was drunk.”
   Alcohol may impair judgment, but it doesn’t erase responsibility. Choosing to drink to excess is itself a decision.
7. “Everyone does it.”
   This is the classic bandwagon excuse. In truth, most people do not cheat—and even if they did, that wouldn’t make it right.
8. “I didn’t think I would get caught.”
   This reveals selfishness rather than remorse. Marriage vows are not conditional on the likelihood of discovery.
9. “It was just online flirting/texting.”
   Digital affairs may not involve physical contact, but they still breach trust and can be just as damaging emotionally.
10. “I was lonely.”
    Loneliness can be real, even within a marriage. But healthy options—open communication, therapy, community—exist without resorting to betrayal.

Why There Is Never an Excuse
All of these justifications are attempts to ease cognitive dissonance by shifting blame or minimizing harm. But the truth is simple: cheating is always a fundamental breach of the marital agreement unless both partners have explicitly agreed otherwise.

In Texas, adultery remains a recognized ground for divorce under the Texas Family Code . While courts sometimes view adultery claims with skepticism or give them limited weight in property division, it can still be a real and viable legal basis for ending a marriage. Judges may consider adultery when dividing community property, potentially awarding a disproportionate share to the innocent spouse .
Conclusion: No Excuses for Cheating

If you believe your spouse is cheating and the betrayal has ended the legitimate foundation of your marriage, it is important to know your rights. Counseling may not always be a solution, especially when trust is permanently broken.

At The Palmer Law Firm, we believe there are no excuses for infidelity. Adultery is a betrayal not just of trust, but of the legal and emotional bond of marriage.  If you’ve been unfaithful, admitting your mistake and stopping the excuses is the first step to moving forward. And if you’re being falsely accused of cheating, you shouldn’t have to carry that burden alone. Either way, adultery does not automatically decide property, custody, or support outcomes in Texas. At The Palmer Law Firm, we provide strong, fair representation—whether you need guidance through the fallout of infidelity or defense against false allegations—to ensure your side is heard and your future is protected.

👉 Call The Palmer Law Firm today for a free consultation if you live in League City, Friendswood, Clear Lake, or anywhere in Harris or Galveston County, Texas, and infidelity is leading to divorce. We’ll discuss your options, protect your rights, and help you move forward with dignity and strength.